And so this is Christmas
I have been having some trouble staying engaged with my online world of late.
Somehow, too many posts about ornaments and mantels and staying sane through the holidays.
I have been longing for normal life, one we don’t have to work so hard at staying sane in. I have been waiting for January. Not because I’m a Scrooge or hate Christmas, but just because I’m tired of reading about things that feel frivolous, and I don’t understand why we need so many posts about enduring something that is supposed to enhance our lives and homes. Why do we all engage in this thing we have such a hard time feeling OK through?
I know that what we write about here (and what I often read) is not unimportant. We all have to live somewhere, and the choices we make about the spaces we inhabit matter.
But this week, today, it is impossible to feel it. I am tired of reading blogs that don’t talk about what matters in the choices we make in our homes. And I really don’t want to create one that doesn’t.
We live close to the Oregon mall where two people were killed this week. I took my children back-to-school shopping there in August. I have shopped there for more than 20 years.
And for more than 20 years, I have gone to work every day in a public school. In my last post I mentioned that a library is the most holy place I’ve known. Schools, too, are sacred places to me.
I heard about today’s shooting earlier this morning, but I have been busy doing my job and couldn’t really feel it. I’m now by myself eating lunch, or trying to, and I can’t push the feelings aside by focusing on work. I am working hard now to not cry, because there are students right on the other side of my office window.
I know I will write again in this space about the things we are doing to create home and family. I know there are things to say about home that are worth the effort it takes to write them. Right now, though, it’s hard to know what they might be. I’m pretty sure you won’t be reading about our mantel.
Dec 14, 2012 @ 14:05:02
“There is more to life than increasing its speed.” ~Gandhi
It’s easy to think we can control life, but we can’t. Life has a tendency to live itself, and we’re along for the ride. So hang in there…it actually goes by quickly when you think about it.
As for the horrific tragedies that have unfolded today in CT as well as China, go home and hold your children/loved ones even tighter.
Dec 14, 2012 @ 15:28:10
Thank you for posting about this. I have been feeling the same way. Like- how can you post about trying to pick out a new kitchen rug when so many people are grieving right now and tragedy is so close to home. My sister was in the Macy’s when the shooting started. She ran out to her car as soon as she heard the first shots.
Dec 15, 2012 @ 07:03:13
Jenny, I’m sorry to hear about your sister. I really can’t imagine how traumatic that would be. I’m glad she was able to escape.
Dec 14, 2012 @ 15:32:35
So, so tragic. I can’t even imagine what the families can be feeling right now. And what those teachers, kids and staff who survived are going to feel like when they have to go back to school. I agree about the frivolous stuff. I promise that i posted my frivolous Christmas video *before* I heard about the tragedies of today. I guess the posts about mantels and rugs and home make us feel more grounded and that’s good – but it’ll have to be at everyones’ own speed as to how soon it all starts again. It’s an individual choice but I do hope that everyone will take some time to appreciate what and who we have – and to send thoughts of love and reflection out into the universe.
Dec 15, 2012 @ 07:07:37
Oh Eartha, my words were not directed at you in any way. At no one, really. There’s a time and place for frivolity. The videos you post make me laugh and feel good. Laughter matters. I’m just pondering what matters. And why. I was even before yesterday. That just brought it all into sharp focus. I know you understand the impact this kind of thing has on those of us who work in schools. Thank you for taking the time to write to me.
Dec 14, 2012 @ 16:10:50
One of the saddest days I can remember. It seems like nearly all the saddest days in my life that I remember are associated w/ shootings…going back to the assassination of President Kennedy in 1963. I understand hunting, I guess. But do we REALLY need assault weapons? There is really one purpose in having a gun….. to kill or injure someone or something. Even if you say it is for protection…. which means you believe someday you may have to kill or injure someone. (OK, unless, of course, you are strictly a skeet shooter.) Just today, in the state of Michigan, the legislature sent a bill to that governor to approve carrying guns in schools. Now THERE is an intelligent group of people! My daughter is a principal and my husband is a teacher. I think of this every single day of my life. Terrible, of course, when it happens in a high school or college. But in elementary school. I can’t stop breaking down w/ tears….. I can’t wrap my head around it. Yeah, yeah… I know “guns don’t kill people,,,, PEOPLE kill people.” Yeah, people with guns. Mantle decorations and pretty pillows just truly do not seem at all important in the world today.
Dec 15, 2012 @ 07:17:08
I know that people on both sides of the gun issue feel strongly that they are right. I don’t pretend to know all that there is to know about it. I know, though, that I would never want to work in a school in which it’s OK for people to carry guns. Maybe I am a touchy-feely, liberal idealist, but I just do not think we can create the kind of environment children need that way. Cliche as it’s become, I believe we really do need to be the change we want to see in the world. I want to be open, trusting, and living from love rather than fear. I think if more of us could do that, we’d have fewer days like yesterday. Arming ourselves seems, to me, a kind of giving in. Thank you for writing.
Dec 14, 2012 @ 16:39:52
You know how I feel about all that nonsense. I try not to judge, but some days it’s harder than others. Today is one of those days, obviously.
Last week I told my husband that sometimes I feel like I am trapped in a glass box, and that I’m beating on the walls but everyone keeps doing what they are doing, completely oblivious to what is going on around them.
Dec 15, 2012 @ 07:18:02
I know what you mean, Jules. I really do.
Dec 15, 2012 @ 10:40:41
I finally put up my Christmas tree on your (happy)birthday, Rita. And I was all ready to decorate my mantel and set up the nativity scene yesterday, but the terrible news completely took the wind out of my sails. I suppose I should tend to it soon and get the boxes out of the living room…
Look at your cute self in that photo! It made me smile.
Dec 16, 2012 @ 09:49:13
Hi Kim–It’s good to hear from you. I know just what you mean about the news and the wind. I wasn’t able to do much yesterday, either. And are you sure you’re looking at the right girl?
(I’d be the one in the front row with the too-short skirt and the big pout on.)
Dec 21, 2012 @ 05:07:13
Oh yes, I knew which one you were! Something about your hair reminded me of a Joan Walsh Anglund drawing. And the jumper on the girl next to you makes your skirt look long!
’71-’72 was my sophmore year of high school. Those were the days…
Dec 21, 2012 @ 07:01:08
Oh, I remember those little girls. Very popular in the 70s! My grandma once bought me a Joan Walsh Anglund pewter plate, with that girl who had the long hair pulled back in a barrette (a way I often wore my hair then). I kept it for years. I wonder if she saw the same thing you did. Those days had a sweetness to them that I miss.
Dec 15, 2012 @ 12:33:52
I have been reading/lurking for a while and thought I would say hello. I wish I knew what to say, but I am beyond words, as well, and agree that any other posts right now feel…wrong. I totally understand what you are saying. Hugs and hang in there.
Erin recently posted..sadness.
Dec 16, 2012 @ 09:51:27
Erin, I am so glad you said hello. I love your blog. I love your blogroll (thanks for some new finds). Looking forward to your next post.
Dec 16, 2012 @ 13:57:58
I moved to Denver in January of 1999. On April 20th, Eric Harris and Dylan Kleibold walked into Columbine and did what I thought at the time was unthinkable. And every time it happens again somewhere, it just seems to be getting worse.
I have no idea about how to fix it other than the manufacturer’s of automatic ammunition should stop making it TODAY unless it’s for a defense contract. There is no place in our society for an automatic weapon. They say gun control won’t keep guns out of the hands of drug dealers and thugs – well, it’s not the drug dealers and thugs who are walking in and shooting up schools, churches and malls…..it’s the middle class white boy who hates his mom that seems to be doing that. Those are the people who have no business with guns. Not that the handguns this guy had would have necessarily been better but maybe the coroner wouldn’t be looking at SO many kids with SO many bullet holes.
I’ve always thought educators are special people. As of Friday they are in the same category as Saints.
Blessings to you and your family.
Jaye
Jaye @ Just Tryin’ to Make Cents of it All recently posted..WELL HELLO THERE and HOW UGLY IS THIS???
Dec 18, 2012 @ 19:52:48
Thank you, Jaye. You know, we aren’t saints. We are just people. We are all just people. I understand your pain and outrage. Oh, boy, do I understand it. I am truly mystified by school violence. I think the problem is a complex one, and no one factor is at the root of it. We need to find ways to come together to solve our common problems, need to find ways to start listening to each other. I hope this event might be a catalyst for that. Wishing you peace.