And so this is Christmas

I have been having some trouble staying engaged with my online world of late.

Somehow, too many posts about ornaments and mantels and staying sane through the holidays.

I have been longing for normal life, one we don’t have to work so hard at staying sane in. I have been waiting for January. Not because I’m a Scrooge or hate Christmas, but just because I’m tired of reading about things that feel frivolous, and I don’t understand why we need so many posts about enduring something that is supposed to enhance our lives and homes. Why do we all engage in this thing we have such a hard time feeling OK through?

I know that what we write about here (and what I often read) is not unimportant. We all have to live somewhere, and the choices we make about the spaces we inhabit matter.

But this week, today, it is impossible to feel it. I am tired of reading blogs that don’t talk about what matters in the choices we make in our homes. And I really don’t want to create one that doesn’t.

We live close to the Oregon mall where two people were killed this week. I took my children back-to-school shopping there in August. I have shopped there for more than 20 years.

And for more than 20 years, I have gone to work every day in a public school. In my last post I mentioned that a library is the most holy place I’ve known. Schools, too, are sacred places to me.

I heard about today’s shooting earlier this morning, but I have been busy doing my job and couldn’t really feel it. I’m now by myself eating lunch, or trying to, and I can’t push the feelings aside by focusing on work. I am working hard now to not cry, because there are students right on the other side of my office window.

I know I will write again in this space about the things we are doing to create home and family. I know there are things to say about home that are worth the effort it takes to write them. Right now, though, it’s hard to know what they might be. I’m pretty sure you won’t be reading about our mantel.

firstgrade And so this is Christmas