Celebrating a simple holiday How we're hopping a ride on the peace train
Once upon a time, in a life not-so-long ago, Christmas morning looked like this in my house:
Kinda gross, huh?
I mean, would you look at all that stuff?
My favorite holiday moment during those years usually came at about 2:30 AM on Christmas morning. That’s when every present was finally wrapped and under the tree. Everyone was asleep. I would sit alone on my couch and survey the decorated house and the mountain of pretty presents and feel so deeply, deeply grateful that it was all done.
How sad is that?
It would be one thing if all my holiday effort resulted in a memory album of nothing but sweet moments, but I have proof that it didn’t quite go down like that:
Not sure what was happening, but a roomful of presents obviously wasn’t bringing joy.
And getting all dressed up to visit Santa wasn’t doing it in this moment, either.
Of course there were moments filled with smiles and laugher and good feeling, but it took me years to realize that none of them came from driving myself (and my bank account) into the ground. All that effort was nothing but a ticket on the Christmas train to Crazytown.
Consider this a postcard from a saner, happier place.
Our goal is simple: We want the holidays to enhance our lives, not take them over. The first step is to keep the decorations in check.
It used to take me most of Thanksgiving weekend to decorate my house. Every room had some kind of green or red or Santafied something in it. I came to dread Thanksgiving weekend.
Now I wait to decorate until the first weekend in December that we have the kids with us. Last weekend we decorated the tree and put up our stockings late Sunday afternoon. I finished up with a few more things on Monday, but the whole thing took a few hours, rather than a few days.
We do get a live tree. It looks pretty much the same every year. We don’t have ribbon or fancy balls or any kind of color scheme.
What we do have are a lot of sweet ornaments that we’ve collected over years. (Each kid gets one every year, to be taken to their own homes when they’re all grown up.) I try to find ornaments that connect somehow to something memorable from the past year.
We also hang stockings and decorate our mantel. While I’d love the aesthetic of some simple, matching stockings like so many I’ve seen on other blogs over the past few weeks (maybe a whole mantel full of stockings made from several of my grandma’s sweaters), we aren’t going to have that.
We’re going to have our usual sorta rag-tag assortment of stockings because our kids are attached to the ones they already have. Will and Grace and I made these stockings together a few years back. They may not make our mantel magazine-pretty, but the kids like them, and that’s way more important to us.
On top of the mantel we have some old-school-style frosted white bulbs, a fresh cedar garland, two candles, and some fake (yes, fake) red berries. (I know, I know: We can get kinda obnoxious about authenticity. Don’t judge.)
For art above the mantel, we kept our red button bird up, but all the greenery and lights seemed a bit much for our owls. I replaced them with some simple snowflake art. The girls and I cut the snowflakes for fun last weekend. I just mounted them to some burlap and hung them on the wall in frames we already had. (The owl painting is underneath the snowflake collage on the right.)
Next to the mantel we have our bookshelf (which moved to accommodate the tree).
(Dang, forgot to remove the phone and mess of cords attached to it. Oh well, that’s how it often looks. Music is more important than tidy!)
We like to put out baby Santa pictures and a collection of Christmas books that I added to each year when my kids were younger. If I display them, they’ll still pick them up and read them. Dream Snow, Olive the Other Reindeer, Queen of Christmas, and Sylvia Long’s Deck the Hall* are a few of our favorites.
I had a brief moment of angst because it would have been nicer to have frames all the same color, but that kind of thinking is a straight shot back to Crazytown. I focus on the sweet babies, not the frames.
Another traditional item is our advent calendar.
My mom gave me this as a birthday present (filled with amazing, tiny presents!) the year my children were born. (Might be the best birthday gift ever.)
I fill it each December with candy (Dove chocolates, and woe to me if I try to substitute anything else) and slips of paper with conversation topics. Before eating their candy our kids might have to tell us what their favorite tradition is, or a gift they’d like to give this year, or the words to a Christmas carol.
I’ve seen more advent calendar tutorials the past week than I thought possible. While many were amazingly cute and clever, I’m so glad I don’t have to do anything with ours but remember to fill it. (Only one day late this year! Putting that in the win column. 
)
And that’s about it for decorations. We do have a few other small, favorite things.
We really enjoy our home when it’s decorated with less. We can actually see and enjoy the few things we have up, and it doesn’t feel like Christmas has taken over our life.
In keeping with the idea that less is more, we’re trying something new this year to avoid the kind of gift gorging you see in that first picture. We’ve talked with the kids about the idea of getting “something they want, something they need, something to wear, something to read.“
We wondered how our kids would take to this idea, and we are so pleased that all three seem just fine with it. After some conversation we’ve amended ours to this:
Something you want
Something you need (to wear)
Something to do
Something to read
It’s understood that pajamas, socks, and underwear will not be the something to wear. And stockings will still be filled by Santa.
Kids in their new Christmas Eve jammies two years ago. It’s OK for some traditions to change.
Cane and I decided two years ago that we’d always give each other experiences rather than things. We love to go skating on paths along Portland’s rivers, and we’re tired of the junky Goodwill skates we’ve been using for years. Although skates are, technically, things, we’re getting new skates for each other because they will get us out more often doing something that’s good for us. (And because we found some that are frickin’ awesome. )
Cane skating along Portland’s waterfront on a beautiful spring day.
The holidays can be a touchy time for our blended family. It almost never goes entirely smoothly. We’re finding that keeping things simple and focusing on the small good moments carries us over those bumpy spots.
We’re looking forward to sipping hot chocolate from our Santa mugs, walking through our neighborhood looking at Christmas lights, watching A Christmas Story with a fire burning in the fireplace, and listening to Ella play Christmas music on the keyboard she hauled out last weekend. (Our door-turned-storage table is the perfect height for a piano-playing girl when she’s sitting on an ottoman.)
All of these things are our ticket to ride on the peace train. And isn’t that what this season is supposed to be all about?
How about you?
Do you celebrate the holidays simply? Any tips or tricks for avoiding the train to Crazytown? Would love to hear how you make the season merry and bright.
(As is the case on most Thursdays, we’re linking to the William Morris Project at Pancakes and French Fries.)
*These are not affiliate links. My inner librarian just likes to point people to good books, and we like supporting our awesome (and local) independent bookseller.
Dec 05, 2012 @ 11:37:18
We do super-simple decorations too.
I wish I had communicated my gift preferences earlier in the year, namely to receive much much less than usual. Every year my kids get a ton from my in-laws. It stresses me out. It’s not special when they open gift after gift. They’re too young to take it all in- they do better with just a few things.
I feel antsy just writing about it. Ugh.
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Dec 05, 2012 @ 16:01:15
Ah well, there’s always next year–another opportunity to do things better.
Your comment reminds me of the year I found myself stashing some of the kids’ presents under a desk while we were opening gifts because I’d realized I just bought too much and they weren’t going to appreciate any more. It was really fun for me to buy toys when they were young, but I was just indulging myself.
Dec 08, 2012 @ 09:20:04
I know just what you mean. We did Christmas with my ILs the Sunday after Thanksgiving and they gave each of our boys, ages 6 and 3, four gifts. I appreciate their generosity but it was too much. I tried to guide my parents toward fewer things but they’ve also purchased four presents for each kid. When I was little *if* I got a present from Grandparents (large family, little money, presents weren’t a huge thing) I got ONE thing. My FIL wanted to buy a tablet computer for our 6 y/o and was surprised we told him no.
Selfishly, what sometimes bothers me about the Grandparent gifts is I feel like it steals our thunder sometimes. We only buy our kids 2-3 things each depending on the cost of what they want. Successful toys or Legos and Magformers are expensive so we don’t load up in the number of presents. But I probably need to let the thunder stealing thing go.
It does frustrate me that I seem to be in the minority within the faimily in terms if controlling the amount of stuff we give the the kids. Last summer I approached my SIL about brainstorming ways to prevent the accumulation of so much stuff in terms of gifts and she was completely uninterested in having the conversation. Sigh.
Dec 11, 2012 @ 18:48:52
I’ve learned that different people have really different ideas about gift-giving, and so much we just carry forward from our childhoods. In mine, I had 3 full Christmases (parents and each grandparent) and one small Christmas (with my great-grandma). It was really the only time all year we got toys, and I think that’s why they went all-out? When I became a parent, it just seemed natural to me to shower the kids with all kinds of stuff. I’m glad to be more conscious of it now, but I wish I’d had more restraint when my kids were small.
Dec 05, 2012 @ 12:53:41
I really enjoyed this post about changing christmas. I think as we get older we begin to realize that the fun in Christmas is missing when we feel obligated to fulfil someone else’s dream! The decorations in my home have been reduced to crocheted stars strung on banners, crochet trees hung from our stairway railing and some coloured lights, in fact very sparse… Oh and I wanted to say, one of the weird things that we accidently developed was Christmas in July — we hid gifts one year and the kids had so many we didn’t miss the hidden ones until I cleaned out a closet in mid july and found them — the kids had so much fun opening the forgotten gifts we did it every second year for awhile…
Dec 05, 2012 @ 16:02:36
We never had Christmas in July, but my mom used to forget about presents and discover them later all the time! It was a nice treat when that happened…
Dec 05, 2012 @ 14:33:17
Love this post! I feel the same about having a simple Christmas. I hope yours is wonderful this year!
Dec 05, 2012 @ 16:03:00
Thank you, Jenny. I hope yours is, too. Thanks for taking the time to write.
Dec 05, 2012 @ 15:28:41
Well, I was a “mean” mother and there were only twelve modest gifts (NO underwear, socks, or clothes, either!) under the tree for my daughter when she was young; we live in a very small house and there just wasn’t room for everything she wanted Santa to bring. Now that she’s an adult, we only fill stockings with inexpensive things and save the giving of gifts for birthdays.
I never put up my tree until after December 8th, which is my husband’s birthday. After hearing so many stories about him receiving combination birthday/Christmas gifts as a boy, I made a conscious decision as a newlywed to not decorate or focus on the holidays until after his special day. The only exception to that rule is the Advent wreath, which is the only Christmas thing displayed at the moment; I haven’t even dug out the special basket to hold holiday cards yet, even though we’ve already received two.
I really do believe that less is more when it comes to Christmas, and although many in my husband’s family think we’re crazy to shun traditional gift giving, it is such a relief to skip Black Friday and the unrealistic expectations surrounding the holidays. We are also able to afford more charitable contributions in December as a result, and I don’t have to spend the week after Christmas trying to figure out what to do with the wretched excess I was given out of some ridiculous sense of obligation. Plus I have more time to bake cookies! My husband enjoys that more than anything.
The “perfect” Christmas, if such a thing exists, is the one you’re most comfortable with – not the one retailers want to sell to you. Stay true to yourself and your vision for a calmer, saner Christmas. It’s one of the best gifts you can give to your family, Rita.
Dec 05, 2012 @ 16:08:38
My birthday is on the 13th, and I never remember having a tree before then. I don’t think it was because my mom was trying to keep my day separate from Christmas; I think it was more that my dad was convinced the tree was a fire hazard and he wanted it in the house for as few days as possible.
But I’m with you on the less is more idea, and I so appreciate you taking the time to write. My parents and I have scaled way back. We just give small gifts, and I enjoy it so much more. Don’t do Black Friday and refuse to on principle (though some years I do shop small businesses on Small Business Saturday). More and more, I just can’t tolerate all the waste and excess created in the name of showing our love for each other. I love giving a child a thoughtful toy or a beautiful book, but I just can’t see how sweaters and perfume and tools and appliances are tokens of affection.
Dec 05, 2012 @ 18:57:21
When I asked my 8 y.o. daughter what her favorite part of Christmas was she answered instantly, “My stocking!” Well, that makes Christmas very easy, doesn’t it? Actually, the grandparents took the joy out of Christmas from the very beginning by buying WAY too many presents for both my daughter and son that I have never gotten into the “habit” of buying them anything except for maybe one or two presents. It has really made me rethink Christmas from the beginning. So now I just do an advent calendar for them (ages 8 and 9) and will be just buying one present. It certainly makes it easier! Now if only the adults for the family get together would be happy with not getting any gifts. . . .
P.S. Love all the doxie pictures. We have a black and tan standard doxie (my son’s dog) who is always looking for the warmest, most comfortable spot. My daughter thought it was so cool that other families have doxies too–no one else around us have them! Her dog is a wired haired doxie who has quite a bit more energy and spunk than our black and tan.
Dec 06, 2012 @ 09:29:44
Great post! I made the mistake of going over to my BFF’s house earlier this month – my very RICH Bff. I was so jealous of all her beautiful decorations that I had her meet me at Homegoods to help me with mine. $242 later – YES – $242 I had gorgeous decorations also. Empty wallet but it didn’t make me feel any merrier. So I took most of it back and then made pretty much everything I took back using thrift store or walmart merchandise. Turns out all I needed was inspiration.
Again, I will tell you that I love your writing and could read it all day long. I would so love to jump on that peace train with you and head out of crazy town. (you know you are totally dating yourself, don’t you!)
Merry Christmas Rita and family!
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Dec 06, 2012 @ 20:13:01
Merry Christmas to you, too, Jaye! Good for you for realizing that all that stuff wasn’t right for you. I am always amazed at all the Christmas stuff I find at thrift stores. Actually thrift stores are the best thing to keep me from dropping money on decorative items. It’s not just that I can usually find what I want there, but I can see how temporary all of it is.
And yes, I know I’m dating myself. Getting too old to care! I loved Cat Stevens when I was a kid. Tea for the Tillerman is still good stuff. Hmmm…suddenly feeling like it’s time for another viewing of Harold and Maude!
Dec 06, 2012 @ 14:09:38
That is one awesome advent calendar! What a great gift.
I have to say, I’m still at the days vs. hours mode of decorating, but I enjoy it, and most of that is because I’m a perfectionist, but lazy, so it takes longer! Love your cozy Christmas home.
Dec 06, 2012 @ 20:04:30
It was seriously the best birthday present ever. In the 13 box there was a tiny, ceramic birthday cake. My mom always gives the most thoughtful gifts. I don’t know how she came up with 25 different things that fit in those boxes, but she did.
Dec 06, 2012 @ 19:30:33
That AMAZING cardinal embroidery/button art was all you needed to get started on Christmas decor. Everything looks cozy and festive, and I think those two words together strike the right balance between your family’s comfort and the celebration of the season.
My ex-laws used to try really hard to spread as little money over the most gifts, resulting in loads of cheap, soon-to-break toys and disappointed children. I’m glad that part of Christmas is behind me. My children now are old enough to understand that one thoughtful, quality gift is better than piles of junk, and it is such a relief!
I never put up a tree in November, and though I’m a little stubborn about German traditions (leaving the tree up until Twelfth Night), I don’t understand our society’s current trend of the Ever Expanding Christmas Holiday. It really makes the expectations higher, the stress worse, and the irritability (at least on my part) worse too. Do you think we’ll end up with a four month Christmas season? Seems like it sometimes!
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Dec 06, 2012 @ 20:07:07
No 4-month Christmas! Actually, I don’t think we’ll get there. I’m feeling a shift away from excess. If we all just say no, it wouldn’t have to be like this. Not sure how anyone can watch any of those Black Friday Walmart videos and not realize that it’s time to do things differently. (Oh look. There I am on my soapbox again…)
Dec 10, 2012 @ 20:12:18
You might very well be right. I think some major chains’ decision to open on Thanksgiving night this year was the final straw for some people. It was for me, so, is that soap box big enough for one more?
Dec 11, 2012 @ 18:44:30
Always room for one more (who agrees with me!) on my soapboxes!
Dec 11, 2012 @ 08:18:01
It sounds like you are doing what the rest of us want to do – simplify and focus. Good for you! It looks cozy and sweet at your house and I am sure your kids appreciate having a sane mother. This year, I am finding myself doing many of the things I said I didn’t want to do last year, but I am making incremental changes. I decided that any decor I do not put out this year was going to be donated – and I was able to get rid of several boxes of “stuff.” I like your approach to the presents and will implement it as I can this year and talk with my kids about doing it for sure next year. Thanks for being an inspiration to me!!! I really admire how conscious you are about the way you are choosing to spend your time and energy.
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Dec 11, 2012 @ 18:52:50
Thanks, Annie. We’re definitely a work in progress. I’m not at the place where I can donate the things I’m not displaying. Too many have sentimental value, and I wonder if I won’t want to put them out again in later years. This year it feels right to have less. Next year, who knows? Incremental is good!
Dec 12, 2012 @ 11:23:04
I loved this post when I read it last week, but I didn’t have a chance to respond. I did want to let you know though that it has stuck with me since then. I love the use of the phrase “hopping on the peace train”. I needed that reminder that the my enjoyment of the season is really up to me.
We are also putting out fewer decorations, but I also am holding on to most of them until at least next year. I had a rough year, so I don’t want to make any hasty decisions. I had already made that plan before I read your post, but now I am reminding myself that we are having a peaceful Christmas, not a perfect Christmas. It is really helpful when I am not able to do something I did in the past-especially with my outside lights that would be difficult & messy due to some not yet repaired hurricane damage.
Dec 12, 2012 @ 17:59:56
Thanks, Heather. I’m glad the post is helpful to you. I think you’re really smart to hold onto things. While I’m mostly happy with decisions I’ve made while de-cluttering, there are a few things I’ve wished I held onto. That’s why I’m keeping the things I didn’t display, at least for a while longer. I hope the coming year is a smoother one for you.
Dec 12, 2012 @ 11:49:32
My son is the only grandchild on both sides, so it’s easy for him to get inundated with gifts! I try to limit what I buy for him myself and pass on most of his requests to other relatives.
One way we keep the gift-giving from turning into a consumerist frenzy is taking turns opening gifts. That way it feels like we spend more of our time giving than receiving, and the whole process is slower and more relaxed.
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Dec 12, 2012 @ 17:57:18
I really like taking turns with gift giving. I like to see everyone’s face when they open a gift, and it does make the whole process feel less like a feeding frenzy.
Dec 17, 2012 @ 06:28:50
I just found your blog through another blog
I have to say, I didn’t even notice the frames were a different color, haha.
My mom decorates with thousands (yes, thousands, she has a Christmas room to store it all) of Christmas decorations and says she hates it. I suppose she feels obligated to do it, since she has so many decorations. I am the total opposite. My husband and I have a tree, a box for Christmas cards, some fun penguin holiday towels, and a poinsettia tablecloth from my grandma. It feels festive enough with just a few things in each room. I asked for a nativity this year. I don’t think I could handle too many more decorations until I have kids and a bigger place (stockings, holiday books, maybe an advent calendar). I love your advent calendar! So sweet.
I’m excited to read more of your blog!
Dec 18, 2012 @ 19:56:37
Hi Whitney! I’m glad you’re here. This summer Cane and I were at an estate sale that just amazed (and horrified) us. The whole basement was filled with shelves filled with decorative items for each holiday. 4th of July had several tables’ worth. I looked around and said, “Hey, there’s no Christmas decorations.” Turned out the whole entire attic was filled with Christmas stuff. At the time, I wondered how the woman who had all that stuff felt about it. If she loved it or if it were a burden. I’ll never know–but I know I would feel smothered by it.
Hope you’ll come back to read more.
[BLOCKED BY STBV] What we did on our winter vacation
Jan 16, 2013 @ 21:18:34
[...] to put it, and then, right after Christmas, I was able to move a mirror that had been displaced by the advent calendar, and the perfect space opened [...]